My Kitchen Remodel Nightmares

There's a reason chef Gordon Ramsey named his popular British telly show Kitchen Nightmares. I have been literally having nightmares about our kitchen remodel. I have the hardest choice to make.

Current kitchen

I curse whoever chose this awful orange paint for our kitchen. That's the least of our troubles.

The decision is the most accurate display of me wanting to put the cart before the horse. Or in my case, put the kitchen before the foundation.

Do I take care of the foundation repair now or continue to ignore it and remodel the kitchen even though our house moves and it could compromise the remodel?

I have a long list of boring, stupid, expensive and absolutely nothing that is attractive to my eye, repairs that need to be made to our house.

What we need to do:
Our foundation needs retrofitting/bolting. *or our house will fall down!*
Our chimney *remember this guy is pulling our house down* needs removing
Once the chimney is removed, we need to replace the wood siding and missing piece of the roof.
We have to replace our fence on the right side of our backyard.
We need to patch/paint our house.

She turned 90 on March 6th and she's showing her age

We need to vent our dryer to the attic, *properly so our house doesn't catch fire*
Our galvanized pipes need to be replaced
Install plumbing access *so the plumber doesn't have to keep removing our siding as shown in the photo*
In order to do this, our plumber has to dig up about 1 ton of dirt that is under our house to access the kitchen pipes.

Here's what I planned to do:
Get our plumbing fixed *as cheaply as humanly possible*
Have our kitchen wood floors professionally refinished and stained *now it looks like we'll be DIYing the floors, if we even do the kitchen remodel*
New Ikea cabinets *lowers only*
New Ikea butcherblock countertops *keep in mind, we can't put in new countertops, sink or dishwasher without installing new cabinets. Our old ones aren't the right size or height*
New Ikea dishwasher
New Ikea sink/faucet
DIY subway tile backsplash
Paint the upper cabinets and new knobs
Paint the room *no idea what color yet but leaning towards white*
New island and stools
New light fixture *Pottery Barn*
Target and Anthropologie kitchen accessories
*new bedroom curtains
*new grill for the patio

I'm still waiting on estimates for our foundation & the fence but we're looking at close to $30,000 in repairs vs $10,000 in improvements.

Obviously, I understand that the foundation is a serious issue and needs to be addressed, but it's so darn expensive. *money we won't recoup if we sell* I have unsuccessfully tried to take out a home equity loan or refinance because our house is still underwater *thanks real estate market*. Our inspector told us back in 2006, if it goes unaddressed, the house will fall, not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. So there's that.

The backyard fence is a thorn in my side. Antz is like, we're doing it, no if, ands or buts about it. But here's me... B U T!

My Marais Stools!!

I am so illogical and I'm all about fluff. Cosmetic fixes! I'm a girl, I like pretty things!

What would you do? We have $10k to spend on a $40k problem. Don't even start with save over time and do the kitchen later, Liv will be starting private school soon and we will forever be broke. I am over the numbers, I am over the foundation!

Stupid foundation in 2006

Today :(

Stupid chimney in 2006

Same stupid chimney today

I like having a chimney, it gives our house charm

We always found it odd that of all the windows we have, the previous owners kept bars on the smallest one of the house. There must have been a midget invasion in the past. We tried to remove them but they are welded on.

Once I get the estimates, we'll make up our minds. I have a headache that only a new dishwasher can cure.

Meanwhile I'm praying to this dude for a miracle.

Happy H(gr)ump day!