My Dream Job *and why I would suck at it*

Today my favoritest website in all the internet Dlisted, posted this.

Dlisted is looking for an intern.

Because I get yelled at to post faster, post more and stop trolling eBay all day for Shauna Sand memorabilia, I’m finally looking for some help. I’m looking for an intern, but it could become permanent. I know some of you, so I know you’re asking, “How much?!” It does pay and no, I won’t pay you with Shauna Sand memorabilia. But I can if that’s what you want and who wouldn’t want to be paid with Shauna Sand memorabilia?
Here’s the requirements to be Dlisted’s first intern:

1. You can live wherever, but you must have your own laptop and Internet access.
2. You must be into pop culture. You should be a regular reader of Dlisted, because the stuff that comes out of my mouth barely makes sense and it really doesn’t make sense if you don’t read Dlisted.
3. It’s a total plus if you know the basics of Photoshop. You’ll need to use it to crop images and to Photoshop out my zits on my Facebook profile pics.
4. You must MUST must be able to throw a last-minute fashion show in your mom’s backyard.

Your responsibilities will include writing posts, finding pictures, researching, handling social media stuff and transcribing scenes from Showgirls with me on IM.
If you’re interested, e-mail a short note about yourself, resume (if you have one) and a writing sample (or a link to your Twitter page and/or blog) to dlistedintern@gmail.com. The deadline for applications is Friday, September 27th. 


My friends seem to think I was born for this job mostly because I'm a celebwhore/stalker/pop culture nerd. I have too much free time on my hands and not enough pesos in my bank account. Win-win right?

Wrongo!

I may be one thousand posts deep over here at the back of the short bus of not cool bloggers but when it comes to writing, I am totally insecure. It takes me hours to write "Today I went to Target!" and all the other inane blabber I write about here. Also, I post at the weirdest times, despite reading Oh Joy's How Not to Suck at Blogging book, I never keep a schedule. Most of my blog time is in the wee hours of the night when Liv and Antz have gone to sleep and my insomnia this site keeps me up. So following a schedule would be a nightmare. I don't organize or plan any posts, seriously. I will be driving and a brilliant idea for a feature will pop up and I compose the most genius post but by the time I get home, I have completely forgotten most of it so I half-assedly compose some semblance of what I could remember *ie: most of my posts turn into incoherent rambling, as you may already know* 

Another important issue, I would be judged by the entire internet. Have you ever read a comment from Dlisted? They would rip me a new asshole and then do me in it with no vaseline. I could never compete with Sweetas or the great and powerful legend himself, Michael K.

He's so freaking cute but he's like Banksy, he stays hidden from the public.

That's too much pressure for me to handle. I can be funny sometimes *more in a they are laughing at me not with me kind of way* and I know a few things about celebrities *I could write a wikipedia article about Rojo Caliente and Prince Hot Ginge* but I am not clever enough to tackle the hot mess trifecta of Phoebe Price, Shauna Sands or Courtney Stodden. 

Chicken Cutlets

The Empress of Lucite

The Porn Iguana

Finding these three photos took me 6 months in blog time. I no longer even have Photoshop on this computer *which is on the verge of needing replacing cause guess who filled the memory to capacity!* I am the worst speller *Thank Allah for spell check* and obviously have the grammar skills of an imbecile. I cannot watch Showgirls in it's entirety without throwing up. See, already disqualified!



All being said, I adore Michael K. I hope whoever gets the position will keep up with his high level of wit, snark and ghetto references. This guy blows me away with his extensive knowledge of things from the hood. I will stay here where I am comfy, snarking on the down low.