My guide to Love & Marriage

One Month!

August 18, 2002

That's right, exactly one month until our 10 year wedding anniversary. I am at a complete loss of plans to celebrate such a milestone. I mean, we've been together for 16 years total and we've been in this house for 6 years, parents for 2 years...okay enough math. It's been a fabulous time. We have traveled, been to amazing concerts, been on a game show together, we pretty much have grown up together.

I had one bite of our wedding cake, too excited to eat at the reception and the slices the staff packed for us for the next day were devoured by ants! Note to anyone getting married...EAT AT YOUR WEDDING! You pay a fortune for that meal, eat it and savor every bite.

Ten years of marriage isn't a piece of cake although most days feels cakier than others. We still have dumb spats, I huff and puff and fold my arms when I'm having a brat-attack and he rolls his eyes at my wild schemes, but I still get butterflies in my stomach when that boy kisses me. You know how I knew I would marry Anthony? On our first date, we both brought friends as backup *cause that's how I rolled when I was 19* our first kiss was pretty awkward since we were leaving a packed movie theater at Universal Citywalk and our friends were standing right there. Antz kissed me so sweetly and gently like no one else was there. It was so lovely, I literally swooned. My gut was screaming at me, this guy is THE ONE! We've been pretty much inseparable ever since. So how do you not get bored or drive each other crazy?...hmmm, we do! All the time, but we have 3 things going in our favor that make it work.

1. We talk about our feelings. This is crucial to making any relationship work. I am a huge talker *aka Major Chatterbox* Antz, not so much, but being able to discuss our feelings and leave out the expectations takes a lot of guess work out of our marriage. I used to think to myself, I wish he would just....but then I realized, he's not a psychic. Why wouldn't I just tell him what I wanted rather than just expect him to magically know what I want. I was pretty much sabotaging our relationship because I didn't communicate. Now we talk it out, our feelings, our dreams, our annoyances, nothing is off-limits. I have a clear understanding of his wishes and I know when I need to improve my 'tude. I think our communication brings us closer, we don't keep secrets and we're honest with one another. Pretty simple, right. Well here's the tricky part, a huge component to the communication thing involves listening. Oh yeah, it's easy to blah, blah, blah... but to really listen to your partner and let them know you hear them and understand is the key.

2. Don't be too cool to be a dork. Antz and I are super immature *most of the time*. We have a pact to always be silly, approach life with a sense of humor and never act our age. We laugh so hard we cry. We make fun of each other in a playful way. We say to each other, it must be such a bummer to have to be an adult all the time. We don't take each other too serious and we have each other's back. We have no problem geeking out at Disneyland or busting out the robot on the dancefloor. In the the immortal words of the Joker "Why so serious?"

3. We are compatible. I know Paula Abdul & MC Skat Kat say opposites attract but oil and water will never mix. Try to find someone you would be very good friends with outside of your relationship. Why make things difficult by trying to convert someone into the person you want them to be? I love Antz because he's true to himself. He's a talented, crazy awesome artist. I grew up with my artist Mommy *she's a crazy talented musician* so I'm used to being around creative people. He's not a huge sports fan so I don't have to bitch and moan about how lame sports are. He's totally down with my Björk obsession and goes along with all my absurd ideas. He both hate onions and douchebags and share a love of people-watching and Jeopardy. I never understand why people get married quickly and then discover, "WAIT! We have absolutely nothing in common!" Duh! There's a good reason we dated for 6 years before getting engaged. We needed to get to know each other, figure out our idiosyncrasies. I know some folks have lasting, solid marriages after months of dating *looking at you Khloe Kardashian* but most folks aren't so lucky . Find out if you love the person you want to spend you old folks days with, even with their flaws *Antz loves air-conditioning and I'm always freezing to death* It does take compromise but the entire relationship shouldn't be about compromising who you are. If you can't be around your guy without makeup on and he's afraid to fart around you...uh, that's lame.

Being married to Antz has been extraordinary. We have fun everyday. We trust each other 100% and to me, that is love. I gave him my heart on August 18th and he has protected it for 10 years. As much as I complain about not going to Hawaii for our anniversary, we could go to Taco Bell and still have an incredible time. So don't be surprised if we toast our big day in the drive-thru, Hawaii isn't going anywhere and Liv's tuition is more important to us.

A million years ago in 1997